Friday, April 3, 2009

You're Not The Only One Who Could Qualify For Mensa*

I'm en route to Mississippi!!!  

I'm currently in people watching paradise aka the Greensboro, NC airport.  Only this airport sort of sucks because A) I can't find the plexi glass death room smoking section, B) it's really fucking quiet at my gate so I feel like I can't jibbah jabbah on my phone the whole time, C) I had to buy the internet, and D) somewhere faint in the background, a Shinedown song is playing on repeat.  
But this post isn't about the guy sitting four seats to my right.  It's about The Butler.  

So did y'all know that The Butler is considerably older than I am?  Which is FINE with me, but he apparently can't handle having a young, vivacious girlfriend.  Do you know what he said to me today?  He said, and I'm pretty much quoting here: "Yeah, I remember what it's like to be 22 and think I'm right all the time."  

Well, guess what, Butler?  I am right all the time.  

Top Ten Reasons Why I'm Right All The Time (not that I have to give you any):

1. I just am.
2. I'm a genius.
3. I gave myself a nickname ... and it stuck.  
4. I know more big words than you.  
5. I take care of 5 kids every damn day and that alone makes me tougher and craftier than you could ever imagine.  
6. I will cut you.  
7. I have a Mac. 
8. I have a stupid tattoo.  You'd be amazed at the lessons you'll learn from that.  
9. I'm double jointed in all the right places.  
10. My Older Man Friend carries a gun and he is always on my side.  

That being said, you're my favorite domestic servant in the whole world, Boo.

* The Butler does actually qualify for Mensa and was a member for two years, but then stopped paying dues.  If he were an active member, I could write him off as pretentious.  But the fact that he refuses to pay $52 a year to have someone else validate his intelligence is fucking brilliant.  


  1. Top ten ways an idiot would respond

    1) Oh yeah...well...yo mama!

    2) In geniuser

    C) I have a nickname too, people call me "special"

    blue) You are veracious, you do sustain more capacious words in your vernacular.

    Roger) I take care of 5 Adult kids.

    onomatopoeia) Too late, I already cut myself on my safety scissors.

    7) I have a Steve

    gerbal) I'm gonna get a cool tattoo, something I waited and considered carefully so that I don't end up with a stupid tattoo that many 22 year olds that think they know everything end up getting.

    9) I can bend in ways that only the Russian gymnastics team can identify with.

    10) I can kill you with my pinky.

    J) the EV of pushing into 4 players with ten-eight offsuit given that 2 players are tight and two players are loose is approx. $348 based on varying stack sizes.

    3) Mets RULE!!

  2. I stumbled upon your site when I should have been working. Glad I did. Thanks for the laugh.

  3. I'm always right and I'm...well, older than 22. Of course I don't act like it. Which should qualify me for Mensa because after all, how hard is it to act your age?