Chrimah

I thought all the bloggers would be taking a break over Christmas, but it seems the holidays have only made everyone more prolific so now I'm feeling intense pressure to get caught up (the story of my life!).  I feel ashamed when I don't blog for long periods of time and I end up avoiding my blogger dashboard and blogs like Cat's and Catherinette's.  I pulled this same sort of shiz in college. If I fell behind in my classes, I would avoid that class (and professor) like the plague.  

N-E-Wayzzz I'm back in class today.

Did you know that all five Chirrens Garcia have been home since Monday?  I was initially excited; I had all these idyllic Christmas plans up my proverbial sleeves.  And then, well, there was reality, ready to donkey punch me in the teeth.  

One day les bebes and I went to a fancy (read: free) movie day at the library.  They were showing The Muppets Christmas Carol, one of my personal favorites.  As you might expect, we were the raggediest bunch there.  First of all, I had all five Chirrens plus one of Dustin and Justin's raucous friends.  Second of all, the movie started at 2pm, and they shut the doors and don't let anyone interrupt once it starts!  

This meant I had to feed the six of them and then politely recommend that the friend's dad come pick him up after lunch.  Then I had to rush out to Coco's office to drop off Francois Philippe and the twins so Bobby Habibi could take them to the shooting range (yep).  Ok, so it's 1:30pm at this point and we're doing good.  OH NO!  We don't have any snacks and this event is strictly BYOSnaxxx.  So we dash into the grocery store near Coco's office and I tell them to grab something Christmassy - they get 2ft tall Christmas tree cookies (they tasted good though, I can't lie).  We also grab a bottle of Sprite, which I would never ever allow under normal circumstances because I'm a bitch good nanny.  

1:40pm.  We're doing good.  We get in the car.  NO GAS.  1:50pm.  I'm literally biting my tongue, I think.  1:58pm. Dash and I are holding hands while I've got Trixie turned sideways on my hip like a football, sprinting through the library parking lot.  WE MAKE IT!!!!!!!  

Inside the movie room, other kids are lounging on their monogrammed fleecies and coordinated throw pillows.  My kids are sprawled out on my purple Wal-Mart coat.  As if this isn't bad enough, I can feel all the other parents judging me for the Sprite (it was diet, sheesh).  My kids are totally oblivious to these condescending stares and are having fun passing it back and forth like a frothy mug of beer.  ... and then Dash spilled it on the movie room carpet.  It was one of those things that happens in slow motion too.  

Honestly though, I wrote about this solely because I recognize it is a humorous string of events with which lots of people will be able to empathize.  But my day was far from ruined - I could not have had a better time with les bebes.  We love pretending we have a deadline and screaming at red lights "We're not gonna make itttttt!!!!!!!!!"  Like they wouldn't let me in?  Puh-leeze.  And I couldn't care less what those granola soccer moms think about my sprite and sugar cookies.  My kids were the cutest, funniest kids in the movie room and we ended the film with a dog pile tickle fight.  

So there.  Our team never loses.