Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Back to the Future

So yeah, I neglected my blog for awhile.  Whatever,  it's not like it was a child or something.  

Sometimes I think this whole human interaction thing is just too damn hard.  Besides being laborious, tedious, and emotionally draining, the results are often disappointing.  The world just ain't worth the fucking hassle.  

My Gay Husband keeps insisting this sort of jibbah-jabbah is clinical depression.  However, I am nothing if not obstinately misguided, so I absolutely refuse to seek a pyschopharmacological solution.  He persistently protests that I make no sense at all.  

"But you LOVE drugs!  You are the queen of drugs!  You want to legalize everything!  You literally wrote the book on cooking with drugs!"

All of these statements are true.  Let me sidetrack about the last one.  

I spent the summer after my sophomore year in college writing a recipe book that, at the time, I believed would propel me to both fame and infamy simultaneously.  I vaguely remember that I'd come up with a terribly clever title for it, but neither I nor My Dearest Confidante can recall the specifics.  

Besides containing a compilation of all the best pot recipes I'd ever sampled in my whole entire life*, this book also detailed my more controversial experiments.  During these experiments, my friends became perhaps the world's most eager and enthusiastic guinea pigs.  

"Coffee brewed with cocaine???  I'm there.  Oh, uh, wait.  We don't have to supply our own Coke, right??"

My biggest hit was the "Hypnotic Strawberry Daiquairie" that actually relied heavily on gargantuan doses of Xanax while containing very little alcohol**.  

Alas, this summer did not make me the new Timothy Leary or the new Paula Deen (I'd settle with either).  These few months resulted in nothing but heartache and tears.  I kept the weed recipes, though.  That shit's harmless.  

N-E-Wayzz ... flash back to the present.  

My Gay Husband is one of the most heavily medicated people I know and he claims that the right antidepressant(s) is like being high all the time.  While that sort of imagery does entice me, I'm not quite convinced yet.  I'm going to wait until I do something like shave my head before I take a legal drug.  

My appeal to you?  Please feel free to use this very public forum called the interweb to share your feelings/experiences about this subject.  Which subject, you may ask.  Any of 'em.  

*of 19 whole years
**Because, you see, fatal overdoses of alprazolam rarely occur unless alcohol or other drugs also taken.  That's the sort of knowledge that actually kept me out of jail while experimenting on my friends.  
PS - The Butler is fine.  He sends his regards.


  1. i think xanax is what you introduced me to on our safari a year and a half ago...and by safari i mean our trip to tanzania...

    glad to know that the butler is doing well, please send him my regards

  2. I had no clue you were doing cool shit like making recipes. Where was I? Oh yeah scared to death of you and probably chasing some guy.

  3. i'm totally down for a xombie dauqueri. or whatever you called it. all i can remember is xanax.

  4. Prozac=good. Also, please come back, I'm lost without your blogging..

  5. You will have to give me a minute, I am on photoshop trying to see what you would look like with a shaved head and a pharmacological smile on your face....

  6. I totally think you should have your own show on Food Network.

  7. Should I be disturbed by the fact that the Google ad on this page is for a pot rehab center? Am I going to start getting emails from Potsmokers Anonymous?