XMas pt. I

Well, the Christmas gods are simply not letting me get through this season without a veritable cornucopia of trials and tribulations.  I have started every day this week with some sort of idyllic Christmas plan for les bebes.  ... and that fickle mistress Fate (in the form of Little Bill) has consistently foiled my festive agenda.  

MONDAY

The plan: Make ornaments for the Christmas tree in the basement using craft supplies and stuff we found around the house.

What actually happened: TMoney calls to say Little Bill is Jones'ing for some playtime with les bebes, so of course I tell her to send him over.  It turns out that Little Bill doesn't want to make Christmas ornaments so he whines until I'm about 3 seconds away from saying "I will cut you"  to a five-year-old.  Les bebes turn against me and I'm left making ornaments by myself.  Crappy snowmen made out of old cork board are cute when a 4yr old makes them.  Less cute when the artist is 22. 

TUESDAY

The plan: Go to the library to pick out Christmas books and movies.  Learn Christmas carols.  

What actually happened: Little Bill comes over to gloat about the AWESOME Christmas ornaments and decorations he made when he went home yesterday.  My eyes scream "What the FUCK??" at him.  I take les bebes + Little Bill to the playground.  We're the only people there so we run around for a couple hours.  I am reliably designated the monster or evil queen.  We pull into the driveway just as The Beatles' "Let It Be" comes on the radio so I make them sit in the car with me and listen to the song.  Little Bill refuses to go home or learn Christmas carols.  I fume at him silently.  

WEDNESDAY

The plan: Decorate the Christmas tree in the living room.  Go to the library to pick out Christmas books and movies.  Learn Christmas carols. 

What actually happened: Somehow, Little Bill winds up at our house again and, after putting on about two Christmas ornaments, decides he is over that shiz and builds a les bebes army to go play in the basement.  I wind up putting up the ornaments while listening to Christmas music ... alone.  

THURSDAY

The plan: Bake Christmas cakes and cupcakes.  Go to the library to pick out Christmas books and movies.  Learn Christmas carols.  

What actually happened: This was the worst of all.  It's a long story, but TMoney whisks les bebes away and I end up making holiday baked goods alone.  Except it is the first time I'd used my new silicone cake molds so I grossly overfilled them.  So I spend the next hour cleaning up my holiday mess and scrubbing the oven.  However, I salvaged one good cake and made it look like this:  

Want to know what's up for tomorrow?

FRIDAY

The plan: Hide from the housekeeper by eating at Subway and going to the library to pick out Christmas books and movies.  And then lock les bebes in the car (parked in the garage) to practice Christmas carols so no one (Little Bill) can call us, come to the door, or see us in the driveway.  

What actually happens: Little Bill rains on her Christmas parade once again and Nanny Garcia goes all batshit and is found the next morning frozen solid, wearing a holiday sweater and clutching sheet music for "Away In A Manger".