For the past several years my birthday has been memorable and out of control. This year, my first year as an old womern, I'm going to the movies with The Skydiver. At first I didn't want to include my birthday plans on this post because I thought
everyone you would silently judge me for having lame birthday plans.
But you know what? I don't even care if you judge me, Cat. It is lame. You know why? Because I have ZERO friends. No, I take that back. I have four friends here in the burbs: Coco, Bobby Habibi, The Skydiver, and The Tattoo Guy. But it's okay because having five kids is like having all the friends you could ever want (awwwww).
N-E-Wayz, here is my birthday wishlist this year:
- a phone call from My Older Man Friend ... Last year he forgot my bday and it made me feel empty inside - Incidentally, he is now in love with Catherinette but is scared to comment on her page about how in love with her he is - Catherinette: he's a total babe)
- earlier bedtimes for my chirrens ... Do you know how annoying it is to have to wait until 930pm so I can creep into the backyard to smoke? Seriously - who are these little people and why are they cramping my style??
- a blood sugar tester thing ... This would greatly cut down on the panic attacks I have at night when I think my faux-diabeetus are acting up. And then I realize I have to pee because I've been chugging cranberry juice all day to clear up that unfortunate UTI. Or that I'm incredibly thirsty because I just poured a pound of salt in the form of canned spaghetti-o's in my mouth. Or that I can't feel my legs because I don't have any pants on and I sleep with the window open. Late night faux-diabeetus realizations are always profound.
But my number one wish for my birthday is for my oldest sister to give birth on my birthday. Well, NannyGarcia, you don't seem the type to want to share your birthday. This is true, but let's think about this for a moment. Either I share my birthday or the little thug's birthday outshines mine for the rest of my life. The choice is clear to me.