Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Make A Wish

Today is Francois Philippe's 13th birthday.  He's soooo old, but I wish he was older so I could have gotten him his first joint.  (My mom's going to freak when she reads that, by the way. Oh, how I suffer for my art.)  But I'm sure by the time he's 16, that drunkard Bobby Habibi will have already bought him his first pint.  

While writing that last sentence, I ran upstairs to ask Coco and Bobby if "sod" was an endearing term for a drunkard.  "Um ... no."  
Wino? "I mean, yeah, that's affectionate ... if the drunkard in question is homeless."  
Pisshead? "Uh, that's like the opposite of affectionate."  
Alcoholic "Nah ... that's like when you get beat-your-kid drunk."   
We couldn't come up with anything that affectionately refers to someone who drinks a lot.  Then Coco offers, "Well, when I was growing up, I only knew one drunkard and I called her Mom." 

So there's that.  

My oldest chirren is now a teenage boy ... and smells like fucking curry.  I'm serious.  He reeks.  Coco kept telling people to buy him deodorant for his birthday.  Besides the smell, the faux-party with the fam was fun.  Except Francois Philippe totally thought my presents were lame.  I got him The Audacity of Hope and Flowers for Algernon.  And, of course, I wrote a sappy inscription on the title page (Francois Philippe, the times they truly are a-changing and it's an exceptional time to be young and hopeful).  Which he read out loud.  Which was awkward.  And then Coco took a picture of us and I'm all MAGGIE GARCIA'S TRADEMARK HEADTILT + TOOTHY SUPAHMODEL SMILE and Francois Philippe is all YOU FAILED ME, NANNYGARCIA. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE WHO GOT ME A REALLY COOL PRESENT, LIKE A BONG, AND THEN YOU HAND ME THIS BAG FROM BORDERS?  WHAT.THE.FUCK??

God, I feel old.  


  1. I only knew one drunkard and I called her Mom. Hilarious!

  2. In Australia they use the word Piss to mean booze, therefore a pisshead is someone who drinks "Piss". If they drink enough "Piss" they get "Pissed", then they go out and find the nearest sheep, perform an unnatural act, called "sodomy" and get called a "Sod". Soooo, there you have it.... A lesson in the Other English

    Bobbi (the Drunkard)