Friday, January 9, 2009

Friday Night Lite

As I mentioned, tonight me + the gals went out for Andrea Louise & The Sistah-in-Law's birthdays.  (Coco's Sistah-in-Law, not mine, I should mention.  I am forever appropriating Coco's family members.)  However, it was not the shit-show I had anticipated.  I was especially disappointed in Andrea Louise, who did not take off one single item of clothing.  Not even her cheetah-trimmed vest.  In fact, it was so tame that I came home to edit Dora's job application essays (it's not a burden - I love correcting other people's mistakes).

Last year, my roommate Lois and I had several dark reality-show secrets, including Rock of Love and Sunset Tan (who can resist a show about "LA's most chichi tanning salon"??) as well as E!'s Daily Ten news show, where we got all of our essential celeb gossip.  But other than that, I used my TV more as a bong stand than a source of entertainment (that's what the lava lamp was for).  Now that I've got my degree from a college whose football conference was considered "The Nerdy Nine," I feel like I can let my brain rot a little and indulge in this television box I have heard so much about.  

But I am honestly alarmed by the sensationalism I consistently see on my tv box.  "10 TON MOM!" followed by "10 TON TEEN!" followed by "10 MOST HORRIFYING PLACES ON EARTH!"  I am beginning to suspect that TV caters primarily to extremely de-sensitized citizens and when somebody like me wanders out of the library, the natural reaction is, "Whoah, whoah, turn down the volume and why are all these graphics flying at my face???"  

However, I am really looking forward to watching "Dark Days in Monkey City" on Animal Planet.  I also like their "Planet Earth" series.  I'm watching one about the jungle right now and y'all, the jungle is fucking NUTZ!  Tons of tiny bugs and fungi and other miniscule things that prompted my mother to send 32 pairs of socks with me to Africa.  I am especially captivated by this CRAZY plant with a neon green/pink pitcher-like bulb.  Inside the bulb is a liquid that emits an enticing scent.  Curious ants wander down to investigate and find only their watery graves.  On the cusp of the bulb permanently lives some crazy ass spider who preys upon the ants that drown inside.  THEN the corpses of these ants are digested by the enzymes in the bulb liquid, which nourishes the plant.

How amazing is all that shiz?? I bet that cusp-dwelling spider is one sneaky motherfucker.  The ants crawl right past him and he is all like, "There's some freaky shit down there, yo."  Then he alludes to something sexy and the ant gets all excited and rushes down, only to drown, while the spider hangs on the cusp with his stupid silk, peering down at the ant, laughing.  (Did all that just happen in my head or what?) 

In other news, there's a show on PBS right now called "Sandwiches You Will Like".  I am tempted to watch this out of love for PBS, but I'm stuck on animal planet because I don't like people telling me what to do or what sandwiches to favor.  


  1. Ok, Nanny, did you remove your faux fur vest? Because somebody's got to get that party started.

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