Tuesday, January 13, 2009

She Was a Fool, and So Was I

Dora babysits for two kids, as well as their grandmother who suffers from dementia.  If you've never known anyone with dementia, it's old people doing shit that would be high-larious if they were a drunk college kid.  But since it's an elderly person who is neither drunk nor an asshole who deserves to bust their lip on a sink, it's less funny, more heartbreaking.  So Dora and I made a pact to kill each other in case of dementia.  But, in retrospect, the only way that Dora and I could be any more fun is if we both had dementia, so maybe we should just force our children into a different pact, vowing to videotape our highjinks.  Gah, being an adult is going to be awesome.  

I was very upfront when I interviewed and made sure I told Bobby Habibi very loudly that I cannot cook.  They hired me anyway.  (That sentence has been uttered many-a-time in the past year.)  Sometimes, though, I feel guilty about throwing frozen pizza, chicken nuggets, and hamburgers at my kids day after day.  So sometimes I like to do something a little crazy: cook.  

Tonight I made vegetarian chili, using this recipe from Whole Foods.  I think Vuboq would have liked this, since word on the Beltway is that he spends the majority of his unemployment checks at Whole Foods.  *burn*

So after I'd given myself carpal tunnel from opening cans and stirring, guess who ate that shit.  Me.  Only me.  Francois Phillipe had a hotdog sandwich, the twins had a banana, Dash had meat (his favorite food), and Trixie had string cheese.  I sat at the head of the table, very calmly eating my chili, luxuriating in the halluhpeenyuhs and sour cream, pretending like FP's hotdog sandwich wasn't a fucking slap in my ruddy face (my face is actually ruddy, I'm not just looking for funny adjectives).  

And Cat complained because one of her kids didn't like croutons.  Geez. 

PS - If any faithful readers see my My Older Man Friend wandering around My Alma Mater, tell him to drop his favorite nanny(me) a line.  I ain't heard from that boo in a hot minute.  


  1. Don't be silly, I spend the majority of my unemployment checks at the likker store. The rest is spent at Whole Foods.

    How was the chili, btw? Care to share the recipe?

  2. Oh, look. You did share the recipe.

    What do you expect? I'm durnk.

  3. i thought dash's fav food was strawberries...

  4. I stand corrected, Vuboq.

    C - It is. But he LOVES meat. He ate two chicken breasts tonight at dinner. It's kind of gross.