Thursday, January 8, 2009


I have been blessed with the gift of perspective (My Older Man Friend is saying, "Blessed??  Blessed by ME, you mean!").  What this means to me is that, in any given situation, I have the ability to remove my head from deep within the recesses of my own nether regions and ask, "What hilarity is going on right now?  Or, better yet, "What would this look like in a movie??"  Such questions were asked today at the radiology office.  

An unfortunately skinny woman (meaning it was very unfortunate that she is skinny and I am not) with sad eyes led me to a "dressing room" and directed me to gown up and subsequently make my way to the "patient lounge".  Patient lounge?  In my head, my gowned peers and I enjoyed a leisurely smoke, sharing some quiet laughs over our drinks.  In reality, it was a smaller version of the waiting room with a phone.  And my only companion, a middle aged woman who had selected the beige gown rather than the grey (grey's in now, FYI), was too busy sealing and resealing the plastic bag that held her "personal effects" to make idle lounge talk with me.  

After I'd seen el doctoro, I was essentially abandoned in the exam room.  After several minutes, I de-gowned and peeked my head outside.  Fuck, humorless skinny girl again.  But I did my best.  "So uh, should i just cut outta here or swing back by the patient lounge for a cig??"  "Ms. Garcia, you can follow the corridor to the right back to the reception area."  

Is that how people talk in doctor offices now?  When I was growing up, my doctor was my friend Nagrom's dad.  This meant my doctor visits usually started off with something like, "Yo yo, Doctah Bill, how's it hanging, thug???"  After he'd finished interrogating me about his dwindling liquor supply at his house, he'd get down to non-medicating me and prescribed only that I stop skipping Tech Discovery class for mysterious ailments that disappeared by 5th period.  

This was the same doctor who, after his daughter and I were BUSTED skipping class, refused to write us notes and instead allowed us to languish in In-School-Suspension for a whole day.

N-E-Way ... I never know how to end these things.  So - The End.  


  1. When you de-gowned did you put yer clothes back on or were you wandering around the "corridor" nekkid? hehehe

  2. You're very talented, Nanny, if you can find anything slightly amusing about a Dr.'s visit. I hate going to any doctor because it takes so freakin' long. It took me 1.5 hrs at the Dermatologist yesterday and I was only with a tech for about 8 minutes. Of course they really like to drag it out as some sort of payback for your sin of tanning when your (or at least I) was skipping school.

  3. When I used to go to Dr. Bill he never prescribed me medicine either...he just always told me that Ricola throat lozenges were "real soothing."