Columbus Day

Maybe you've heard that Monday is Columbus Day.  In honor of this Italian tard, all the schools in our suburban district will be closing.  Now, I'm from the country and we didn't get out of school for anything except Robert E. Lee Day (which is what Martin Luther King Day is called in Mississippi) and Opening Day of Deer Season.  

I think this school cancellation is fucking stupid for two reasons.  

1. Christopher Columbus is a big racist douchebag. 

2. I'm going to have all four of my kids all day long!!  What am I supposed to do with all of them??  

My original plan was to go to the Wal-Mart and let them run wild and call a CODE ADAM every fifteen minutes and let the employees chase them around.  But then I felt bad because the Wal-Mart employees are already disgustingly exploited by The Man without The Chirrens Garcia giving them extra heartache.  

So my new plan is The Circus and I am beyond excited.  I have only been to The Circus once before.  I was a freshman in college and I ate several hits of acid before I went so I spent my entire time under the Big Top convinced I was an Indian Warrior (Indian as in Columbus' Indian) on a spiritual quest.  The elephants added a really great touch to this hallucination.

I'm planning on skipping the LSD this time around, but I'm sure having all four of the kids will land me in the fetal positional anyway.