Growing up in the Bible Belt, I didn't get to celebrate Halloween very much because my mom thought it was of the dark lord. Instead we had to go to lame ass Fall Festivals at our church. And while we were always country and poor, my friends and I always had plenty of spunk. One year we all got into our parents' old college wardrobes and went as hippies (foreshadowing, huh? Too bad we hadn't found our moms' wacky tobbacky stashes yet). Another year we were all celebrities. But we, of course, were not normal 3rd graders so I was Elizabeth Taylor, Dora was Alanis Morrisette and Bobbie Jean was Annie Oakley. I guess this was also a little bit of foreshadowing as I am now pretty much a lardy hermit who sits around in ridiculous get ups and thinks she's fabulous and Bobbie Jean carries a (stun) gun around in her purse at all times.
So yeah, now that I'm out of God's territory, I can finally do Halloween the right way. I recently attended a MomGathering at which three neighbor moms and I planned a Halloween party for our massive brood of chirrens, ages 2 to 6. My kids are obviously the bad asses of the bunch so I kept throwing out great ideas (peeled grapes as eyeballs, cold spaghetti as worms) that the wussier moms kept shooting down. What the hell is a Halloween party if not even one kids shits their pants???
Anyway, two of the moms I like a lot. However, one of the Stepford-Wannabes in our neighborhood kept going on about her FABULOUS house parties and trying to make us feel inadequately informed about paper plates and flatware. Fortunately, T-Money, my tough mom friend, back handed her and got everything on track again.
I want to be an alien for Halloween, but my costume is shaping up more like a hooker on acid. I guess that's okay too, it just somehow seems less kid-friendly. I'm also really proud of the new Halloween tats I got. Pictured below. I'm such a gangstah nanny. Love it.