UPDATE:

I know y'all (and by y'all I mean all six of ya) were as upset as I was over My Gay Husband 's telecommunicative drought (see post below). I HAVE GOOD NEWZ!! My Gay Husband got a new phone!! Perfect timing too as I was already sending out mass texts to boys whose names I spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E. It was also just in time for him to relate to me the following story:

My Gay Husband's favorite thing to do is hit it and quit it, to divide (the butt cheeks) and conquer. However, he has recently been struck by what the Jonas Brothers call "the luv bug." This penis pursuit has got him head over heels, acting a damn fool. All of his typical tactics have failed him and, confidence shattered, he has been left a mere shell of his smug self. On this particular evening, he left campus with the honest intentions of returning home. Long story short, he FOLLOWS this guy he likes in his car. Follows ... as in STALKS.

I should add that while My Gay Husband was telling me this story, he was soaking luxuriously in a freshly drawn bath, lights dimmed, tub alit by scented candles ... because that's just how MGH rolls on a Friday night.

So this is why I love My Gay Husband, as well my friends Dora, Chocolate, and Bobbie Jean. It's not simply because they are as crazy and pathetic as I am. Everyone is crazy and pathetic. Everybody has weird shit going on their lives. I love these people because they are willing to admit it, to laugh about it, to blog about it, and to embrace it as ironicly divine&pitiful human nature.

Such is life, y'all.